7.05.2017

Christmas in July

Hi! I'm not actually celebrating Christmas in July although I do like the idea of that a tremendous amount. What's really happening is that I am sitting outside in the blazing heat going through old photos to try and clear out my google drive because gmail keeps sending me threatening messages about no longer accepting new emails due to the fact that my storage is full. Which is rude. I obsessively go through and delete emails on a monthly basis so that I never have to deal with this type of  situation. But apparently I have all sorts of videos and pics that are ruining my organizational flow, tucked away in Google storage, a place on the inter-webs where I never travel to unless forced by unnatural circumstances.

What I have found is astounding. Shared photo albums of long lost travels. Pictures of me with princess hair. Garbage that people sent me which I never meant to download. Videos of terrible dance parties. And most importantly for today, Christmas.

Don't be fooled, this is not a post about family gatherings. No, this blog is about Christmas Creatures that I have photographed. I'd like to invite you to take a look at an older blog post I wrote about Christmas in Turkey a few years ago. I also included a little Romania for good measure in that entry. Honestly, nothing is better than Christmas in Turkey. Everything is a little bit terrifying - which is exactly how I like my holidays.

This year I found myself in Paris during the holiday season. I love European Christmas markets!! They are so charming and weird. Paris was no exception.

The first thing we noticed upon entering the market was the music. Allow me to set the scene: they were playing a recording of Christmas carols - in English - but the tune, beat and lyrics were a little off for every song. Much like this:




Then we met this guy:

I know it's Santa's thing to get on roofs and break into people's homes, but this Santa really looks like he just robbed a bank. Since when does Santa travel with a rope?

As it turns out, that was not the only slightly odd Santa. There were many displays to see and some of them had more than one Santa within - isn't that against the rules of Christmas magic?

Why is he on a cellphone? THEY HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT THE NORTH POLE YET.

But at least those Santas weren't salacious.


AND

I actually have about 14 of these photos with different Christmas statues. I'm quite possible the most obnoxious person in the world. But come on. Look at it's paw. 

And then there was the dinosaur scene. Because every good Christmas market needs a dinosaur scene.

These dinosaurs have lots of fingers which is PROBABLY why they are so good at wrapping gifts. 

As well as the African Savannah.

Why aren't they dressed up and/or giving gifts? That's racist.

More strange than that, Uncle Sam was there,

looking dapper/angry

 A Santa with the name-tag "Steve,"

"I also play the saxophone," I said to Steve.

And a Thriller Christmas roller coaster.

I think it cost 10 Euro each to ride. Maybe 5. Worth every cent. 

So that was Paris. It was all I needed to make my holiday merry. But guys? This year was exceptional. I also got into some crazy Christmas madness in Toledo, Ohio.

When we initially entered the Toledo Christmas bonanza, we were greeted by this dapper fellow: 

I mean, I guess I'm happy for him that he got his face glued back together again.  It's not another sad case of Humpty Dumpty anyway.

After that we wandered around Christmas Kitchen,

Where all the misfits poison you

We said Seasons Greetings to our friends, the sad fox family,

I'm pretty sure the fox in the background is holding a gun

Then quickly walked past the haunted dead baby family.

#ghostinthemirror
#murdererbesidethemirrorinthecorner
#thatkidwiththewandispracticingblackmagic
#checkoutthe'believe'postertho
After that I was reminded about how I got my bangs permed in elementary school that one time,

I looked just like that

And following that we left, saying goodbye to the depressed holiday train on the way out.

Am I missing something? What does this have to do with Christmas? And why is there so much garbage around it?

So how about all that?! I mean, it's probably better that I saved it for July so that it's an even more special treat, right?

Yeah.

I wonder what holiday treasures Asheville will bring forth this year! I CAN'T WAIT for Santa Con!!